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Posts Tagged ‘dating’

by Mistress D., Editrix.

Before you start tripping over yourself to find reasons why diabetes should keep you from a happy, healthy dating life, just do the following: Stop. Take a breath. Take a cue from SNL’s old character Stewart Smalley and say it, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” That kind of negative attitude really pushes my buttons. If you think you’ll never find a satisfying relationship due to your diabetes, you need to stop that self-sabotaging attitude you have, pronto. Do your friends treat you like less of a friend because of The Big D? Do your co-workers tell you diabetes makes you bad at your job? (Psst…if they do, that’s illegal!)

Dating with diabetes is not only possible, but many of us have been rather successful with it. If you’re a regular reader of diabetes blogs, you’ll know plenty of bloggers who are already married, many of them to people who have never known them without diabetes as a part of life. People like George from The B.A.D. Blog, Kerri from SixUntilMe, Hannah from Dorkabetic, and Gina from DiabetesTalkfest.

“But Mistress D,” you’re whining to me now, “those are just a handful of truly lucky people. Who’s going to love meee?” Well, I can assure you right now that you are no less needle-poked, pill-popping, or glucose-challenged than other people with diabetes who are dating, in long-term relationships, married or otherwise domestically partnered. I think finding a date is all about your attitude, regardless of any health conditions which you perceive as barriers to your heart.

Amy T. of DiabetesMine actually broached the same subject of dating with diabetes quite some time ago. The comments to her post are what I find to be the most intriguing and infuriating. One commenter, Sarah, says a couple of things which not only make me especially sad, but also somewhat angry. Excerpted from her lengthy comment:

“I am quite physically attractive and (so they say) smart. If I was “average” I doubt I would have ever found a DECENT guy to stay with me. Most guys are willing to date me, but few can actually deal with the stress of diabetes…

Most Type 1 diabetics I know have had to settle for a less attractive or financially stable partner, or are outright rejected from long-term relationships. The exceptions to this are when the Type 1 is exceptionally good looking and/or accomplished.

This is only my experience and insight, so no one can disagree with what I have seen.”

I am so sorry that this had to happen to Sarah this way. Sure, there are assholes out there who are going to use your being sick as an excuse to break things off, or maybe there are people who are truly terrified to really get to know someone, just because they are “unhealthy”. Yet in my dating life, I’ve always been able to stick with men I’ve found attractive, and they weren’t weirded out by Type 1 diabetes at all. In fact, they’ve been curious about it if I approach it the right way.

Maybe you don’t want to tell someone the nitty gritty details of a day in the life with diabetes on your first date, but here’s a bottom line I think every person dating with diabetes needs to embrace: Love me; Accept my diabetes. You don’t need to love my diabetes. Hell, I don’t even love my diabetes–most days, I want to tell it to piss off–but it’s a fact of my life.

Love me: Accept my diabetes. It’s not going anywhere, and you can find someone who appreciates this fact. Someone who can celebrate your victories and comfort you during the bad times. That person is out there. (Or people, if you prefer a non-monogamous lifestyle!) They should bring you juice when you’re low and put up with your all-night pee-fests when you’re too high. They should love you for you.

That person is out there, the possibly elusive guy/girl who dates diabetics. Stay positive!

To avoid using a cliche, I will make up something for you:

You have to sample a lot of sugar-free candies before you find the one that doesn’t make you feel icky inside.

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Happy D-Blog Day to everyone out there in the DiabetesOC, and welcome to Sweet & Sexy! What can you expect from us? Why would we even think a blog like this is a good idea? What’s the big deal, anyway? Let’s talk.

I’m going to start by telling you what we are NOT: Sweet & Sexy is not here to be an erotica writing platform for people with diabetes, but we could recommend a few sites you might want to submit your steamy stories to, if you’re into that sort of thing. We are not here to be a diabetes dating service, though online connections can be pretty powerful, and if you fall in love via diabetes blog comments, we certainly would love to hear about it.

There is not a lot of frank talk out there about sex with diabetes, but isn’t there always a question to be asked? What do you do with your pump? What happens if you go low? It’s the same with dating. What do you disclose about diabetes and when? What do you say to a new lover who says, “Hey, what’s that little plastic thingy stuck to the back of your arm?” What kind of changes has diabetes made in your relationships? Maybe we don’t always want to put our names on embarassing situations.

Sweet & Sexy will take your stories, tips, and questions, publishing them with your name OR anonymously. We can all learn from each other’s experiences.

Now the disclaimer portion: This is going to be a more adult-oriented diabetes blog! Be prepared for frank discussion on sexuality. It may not always be the best place for readers under 17, but I wouldn’t discourage them from reading this. Sweet & Sexy is intended to be a diverse, welcoming, sex-positive diabetes blog, showing stories from all kinds of relationships, straight and queer, monogamous and polyamorous, vanilla and kinky.

But it’s not just about the naughty stuff! Relationships with diabetes can be tricky, from learning how to help a partner understand your hypoglycemia symptoms to dealing with the emotional repercussions of having a “bad diabetes day” to negotiating the best health plan for your family together. Should you reveal your diabetes on your online dating profiles? Can someone truly love you, even though you are stricken with a chronic illness? We hope to touch on everything.

Some of us have grown up with diabetes, some of us grew up and then had diabetes introduced into our lives. Sweet & Sexy is going to look at how diabetes touches the most intimate parts of our lives (heh heh) and how it affects our loving and sexual relationships. We want to do it with warmth, snarky humor, and even some naughty bits.

If you have questions, comments, or if you want to submit a post to Sweet & Sexy, please email me, your Editrix, Mistress D at sweetandsexydiabetes@gmail.com

We are immensely excited to bring you the first blog dedicated to love, sex, dating and relationships for people with diabetes!

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Keep an eye here for Sweet & Sexy…

The blog that addresses all the diabetes, sex and relationships questions you were afraid to ask! (Okay, and maybe some you were just curious about.)

xoxo,
Mistress D.

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